Cherishing Time

I wrote this to pitch. I wanted it to be published because I feel so strongly about the subject. But life got in the way and today feels like an appropriate time to share it. Even if it’s just on my simple little blog.

Two years ago to the day, I tragically lost my husband. Paperwork says otherwise but in my heart I know it was today. I was 29. He was 34. To even begin to try to describe the pain is still impossible to do. But I’m not here to talk about the pain and how to survive loss. I’m here to focus on ‘cherishing time’. I’ve been thinking a lot lately as I’ve approached the two year anniversary of his passing and have deeply reflected on the true meaning of this term, ‘cherishing time’.

When you experience the loss of the one person who is closest to you in this world at such a young age, one thing it certainly does is put everything into perspective. You see things differently than others who haven’t faced such tragedy. You see how important it is to truly ‘cherish time’.

I can say full heartedly that my husband and I cherished our time we had together. We were so fortunate to live an unconventional lifestyle, living overseas the last four years of our relationship, in three different countries. This allowed flexibility for both of us that our previous life in the states didn’t. We spent almost every morning together. Whether we were making breakfast, going on a run, or simply catching up and taking our time, we took advantage of this time that most couples aren’t fortunate enough to have together daily. Most are lucky to squeeze in a simple kiss goodbye before running out the door.

We were constantly jet-setting to explore new countries, new islands, new anything for a short weekend. We immersed ourselves in the local cultures no matter where we were, soaking up as much as possible. We actively checked off our bucket list. We didn’t just chat about dreams and goals on the couch at home. We made them our reality together. And I’m thankful for that time. So thankful.

We lived life for the moment. And I first hand know that isn’t as easy said as it is done…but I’m so thankful we did. We traveled the world and took every opportunity to experience as much as we could together, cherishing the time we had. We visited 25+ countries together. Sometimes it feels like we covered every inch of this universe as each tiny detail of every day, every story, every book, every show, every everything reminds me of him in some way. And I can’t lie…it hurts like hell. And I’m angry. I’m furious. And after surviving two years without him, I can’t say I’m at peace with it and may never fully be. That hole will always exist in my heart because he stole it from the day I met him. I fell head first for this man. But as mad as I want to be and as mad as I am, I’m also so thankful. My husband opened up my eyes to a world I may have never seen otherwise. He pushed me out of my comfort zone and made me realize what it is to really live. To live a life so fully that others will never understand unless they’ve taken the same leap. And for that I’m forever grateful. I’m grateful he instilled the importance of ‘cherishing time’.

There isn’t a day that passes that I don’t miss him. He will forever be in my heart and I would do anything to have just one more day with him. That smile. His constant antics. His crazy ideas. His huge heart. I miss it all. But I do believe there is a new chapter ahead that can be filled with just as much beauty. And I know that’s what he’d want for me.

My hope is that our story helps others to always remember how important time is. That is helps others remember what is truly important. That time is a gift…and tomorrow is never guaranteed. So cherish it.